I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
