Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
