There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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