we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Two words: nipple clamps
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