I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
