so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
