i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
