Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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