just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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