i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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