I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
