Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
