I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
