I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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