it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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