I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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