this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
