I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
