THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
