I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
