i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Its guy fieris flavor town of sufferingâ„¢
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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