Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
wow bdsm is so cute
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
