Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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