we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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