Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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