she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
