apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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