Whod you bang
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
