help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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