booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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