if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
