3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
