i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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