i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
