Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
it was like eating out sand paper
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
