The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
do herpes really smell.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
