Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
