I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
