need another drink. this is the easiest way
It's Friday. Sex?
I just cut my nipple shaving
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
