Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
