The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
