Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
