opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
