He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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