Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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