I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
