Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
