Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
