Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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