Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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