It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize