That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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