Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
