would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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