Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
