How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
