I just pynch a tree in the face
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
