Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
