Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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