Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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