clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
