Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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