i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Damn victory sex feels great
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
