Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
