omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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