i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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