dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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