he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
