: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
