Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
