I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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