my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
